Rick Osborn | Life Coach, Nutrition Consultant & Graphic Designer

Let’s face it, there’s a lot of evil in the world. We encounter it daily - sometimes in the people who are in our lives. Furthermore, we’re all guilty of wrongdoing, probably more often than we even realize. For today though, I’d like to share what I believe to be the best way to deal with someone difficult in our lives. As a matter of simplicity, I’m going to assume that the “difficult” person in your life is acting in a way that is not correct.

Maybe I shouldn’t go so far as to call it evil, but after careful analysis, if you truly feel that this person is continually and wrongfully causing you pain or problems, here are three suggestions for resolution. But before going further, remember, I’m assuming that the difficult person is a loved one, a good friend or a relative - someone that you are in contact with on a regular basis. For that reason, it’s very important to establish the right and proactive way to deal with this person.

3 Steps for Dealing with a Difficult Person

1. Self-inspect. Make sure that YOU are not the reason for the difficulty. Many times we actually end up causing much of our own problems because we don’t realize that the negative behavior of others is due to our own shortcomings.

Take a look at what Christ said about it in Matthew 7:1-5. I’m going to quote the whole Scripture here as I feel that it’s appropriate:

1 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. 3 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

If after doing some careful self-examination, you determine that YOU are NOT causing or contributing to the issue, then you can move on to the next step. Keep in mind here that it’s much easier to control our own actions than it is to control someone else’s. Furthermore, if you move on to the next two steps, I believe that you’ll begin to see a change in the negative situation, particularly after making sure that you don’t have a “log” in your own eye that’s keeping you from seeing the real truth of the matter.

2. Speak the truth in love to the difficult person. To know the Truth is to know healing. Christ said in John 8:32, and I’m taking it a bit out of context, but I believe it still applies here - “…you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Now you may be asking, well, what’s the truth in this situation. Well, you need to share what you believe is being done that’s hurtful. But you must be loving. You cannot overwhelm the “difficult” person with anger and accusation, but rather you must confront them out of a desire for healing and restoration. It could very well be that your “difficult” person is unaware of their bad behavior. Consider for a moment another Scripture. In Matthew 6:22-23, Christ reveals a very healing truth:

“Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. 23 But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!”

In other words, if you or your “difficult” friend or loved one is looking through “tainted” eyes, he’s not going to be seeing clearly. Just as the Scripture above states, his whole life will be “filled with darkness”. Think of him as wearing really dark glasses his whole life. He may be stumbling all over the place - not only over you, but over others as well - and not even know it. Your loving attempt to show him the truth may just help him remove those dark glasses and help him not to be a “difficult” person any further. The darkness of his life may be polluting every relationship that he has. If you know the truth and truly care about the person, the best thing you can do is to shine the light of truth in his life.

Let’s not forget Jesus’ mandate in Matthew 5:16 - “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

3. Don’t take vengeance, but practice goodness.If all else fails, (and you should be doing this anyway) practice what’s written in Romans 12:19-21 -

“19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back,’ says the Lord. 20 Instead, ‘If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.’ 21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

By practicing what the above Scripture states, you’ll be doing God’s will and will help convict them of their wrong doing. Leave retribution up to God. It’s His business, not yours. He knows the whole story. We may think we always know the best way, but He truly sees the big picture.

That’s it. It’s easier said than done, but if you stick to the above three biblical truths for dealing with difficult people, you’ll be well on your way to helping both yourself and the difficult person to heal.

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I’m just sitting here today at the beach.

It’s early morning and as I watch the sun break just above the ocean, I can’t help but think about how thankful I am, just to be healthy and alive. This morning, God brought some bible verses to mind, specifically from the book of James in the New Testament. After having surgery and overcoming the anxiety surrounding it, I can close my eyes, feel the sun on my face and thank God for my health and my life, and for the fact that the trial is over. By His grace and strength, I have endured. Below, are His words that He shared with me today. In like manner, I share them with you:

• Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations.

• Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.

• But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing.

• If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.

• Only it must be in faith that he asks with no wavering (no hesitating, no doubting). For the one who wavers (hesitates, doubts) is like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind.

• For truly, let not such a person imagine that he will receive anything [he asks for] from the Lord,

• [For being as he is] a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute), [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides].

• Let the brother in humble circumstances glory in his elevation [as a Christian, called to the true riches and to be an heir of God],

• And the rich [person ought to glory] in being humbled [by being shown his human frailty], because like the flower of the grass he will pass away.

• For the sun comes up with a scorching heat and parches the grass; its flower falls off and its beauty fades away. Even so will the rich man wither and die in the midst of his pursuits.

• Blessed (happy, to be envied) is the man who is patient under trial and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive [the victor's] crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him.

That last verse is my prayer today for all of those who are enduring trial, temptation, heartache or suffering. We should all endeavor to receive the promised “crown of life” as we persevere through the difficulties of this life!

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