Rick Osborn | Life Coach, Nutrition Consultant & Graphic Designer

In Post # 4, I briefly touched on the issue of being the “victim”. I’d like to elaborate a bit more on this, because it plays (what I believe) a crucial role in the overall emotional, mental, spiritual and even physical well-being of an individual. As far as I can see it, if victimization is (in any way) a part of who you are, it will fall into one or more of the three categories below -

1. Ignorant victim
2. Passive victim
3. Active victim

Now, before I continue defining these terms, just let me say that to be human is to be fallible. We all screw up, we all make mistakes, we all willfully do the wrong thing at some time or another. That being said, realize that every one of us has most likely been one of the above three kinds of victims at some time or another. But, if you are existing in ANY of the above categories for too long of a period - you’ve got a problem. So, let’s break out each one and see how it may or may not apply to you.

Also, just in case you don’t fully understand what the term “victim” means, let me enlighten you. Generally speaking, a victim is a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency. Now, let’s move onward with the first of the above three terms:

1. Ignorant victim - is someone who unknowingly or unsuspectingly suffers from a destructive or injurious action or behavior. I suppose obvious examples of this could be a woman who is assaulted while walking down the street or a man who is robbed at an ATM. Basically, it can run the gamut from being assaulted to being lied to, being cheated on, etc. Every human being at some time or another has been an ignorant victim. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the nature of life. It happens among animals as well as humans. No matter where you are on your journey in life, you’re going to be susceptible to being victimized by someone or something. There are always those predator type individuals who are waiting to pounce and take advantage of you. And, the more vulnerable you are, the greater your chance of being an “ignorant” victim. Sometimes, no matter how well-informed, no matter how wise, no matter how strong, a person can be unknowingly victimized. It is sad, but it’s true.

A person’s chances of being an ignorant victim greatly increase when there is a lack of solid moral structure or moral compass in his/her life that includes a heightened sense of direction. Imagine yourself on the deck of your ship, no one at the helm and the storm tossing you all over the place. Not only will you NOT get anywhere, but your ship may even be damaged or capsized and your life forfeited. If you don’t have proper information, direction, guidance, structure, boundaries, etc. your risk of being unknowingly victimized are almost certain. (In the future, I’ll discuss where you can find the type of moral structure/compass that you need to avoid this.) Ignorant victimization can be lethal at its worst and is dangerous at its best. It may set you minimally off course or it may destroy your ship (life).

The way to avoid being this type of victim is to be wary of your surroundings at all times and not to be stupid. Again, if you find yourself an “ignorant” victim on a regular basis, then we need to talk - you need serious help. Your problem is most likely not that you’re an unknowing or “ignorant” victim, but that you’re one of the other two types of victims.

As an aside, let me interject here that sometimes life circumstances can blow us off course and cause us to lose track of where we are. Even perfectly trained, talented, articulate, moral captains (people who are in control of their lives) can be blindsided by the occasional storm. And when struggling to find their way back on course, it’s very easy to be unknowingly victimized. I suppose what I’m saying here is that when a person is dealing with trauma or drama in the midst of life, he or she can be especially susceptible to being unknowingly victimized, because of all of the distraction that is already taking place. It’s very hard to outmaneuver someone who’s right on their game, but it’s not so hard to do so on an off day. Or, it’s very easy to catch a bird with a broken wing, but try catching one whose wings are in tact. You have to be pretty cunning to do so, or you have to wound the bird first before catching it. Those of us who are wounded or broken are much more susceptible to being unknowingly victimized. If this rings true in your life, then give yourself a break. There should be no guilt involved with being an ignorant victim. The word “ignorant” simply means “unknowing” in this case - not “stupid.”

Next time, I’ll continue with the second category - the “passive” victim.

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Before I begin elaborating on how to “map” your way out of the fog of frustration, pain, worry, problems, etc., let’s reiterate where you should be at this point.

First of all, if you’ve been following my advice, you should be standing at the the helm of your ship, holding the wheel in your hands, eyes fixed on the horizon and ready to steer in the right direction. If this image isn’t working for you, let me just state it plainly - because in order to move forward, you need to fully accept the following truths about yourself:

1. Your life is your own.
2. You are responsible for yourself.
3. You have the power to change.

If you can wholeheartedly agree with the above three things, then you can definitely move forward. You now have control of your ship and you’re ready to sail to the promised land. But, if you can’t accept the above three truths, then you need to stop and reevaluate, because you’re not going anywhere. My advice - quit blaming everyone else for your problems and take responsibility for yourself. Being a victim will NOT get you what you want in this life, so let’s move past that. I could write volumes about victimization, but trust me here - always being the victim is not a healthy way to live your life. It may get you some of what you want, but you’ll never be happy playing the victim card. Quite frankly, playing the role of “victim” is surrendering to the life of a loser. So, if you’re doing it, even a little bit, stop it now before it ruins your life or somebody else’s.

My mom is a smart person. For as long as I can remember, she’s had this little saying that has stuck with me. When I was younger, it didn’t mean much, but as I’ve matured, it’s come to mean everything. Would you like to know what her little piece of advice is?

Life is what you make of it.

Did you catch that? Are you listening? That one statement basically sums up everything that I’ve been saying. It may seem like an oversimplification, but it’s overwhelmingly true. All three of those truths I listed above are wrapped up in this one little statement - “life is what you make of it.” And, no matter what your circumstance may be, no matter what storm is swirling in your life, no matter how poor, how unhappy, how sick, how frustrated, how much someone has hurt you - you need to remember, your life will NEVER be anything more or anything less than what YOU make of it.

Okay, meditate on the above. It’s a big chunk to chew on, but it will definitely get your ship moving in the right direction at this point.

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If you’ve been following my train of thought throughout my last couple of posts, you should now have a clear image of yourself standing at the helm of your ship, holding that wheel with both hands, ready to steer yourself in the right direction. You are the captain of your ship.

Now, if we’re completely honest with ourselves and use careful introspection (looking deep within), we will all admit that we know, somehow, the difference between right and wrong. I think in our heart of hearts and in the deep recesses of our minds, there is a small voice, whispering the truth to us. The problem is that many of us, on a fairly regular basis, tend to listen to that ever so small voice only when it’s convenient. And some of us don’t even listen to it at all. Unfortunately, this can lead to trouble - you know when we make up our own rules and don’t have any clear, preplanned design for what we should do or where we should be. If you have mounting problems over which you feel like you have no control - this may be exactly what’s been happening to you. Keep reading!

A lack of vision or focus keeps our ship (life) in the fog (confusion), seizes any control that we have over our ship (life) and keeps us meandering through rough seas with no land (solution) in sight.

In other words, if you have no focus or vision, chances are you’re not going to find a way out of your situation. If this is you and you’re ready to move forward, change course and redirect your ship (life), then what you need now is a map - and not just any old map, but the right one.

Before I go any further, I’m going to suggest a couple of things for you to do that will help you focus and find your way:

1. Meditate in the morning. Spend some time alone, inside or outside, but in a quiet place, and ask God to give you guidance. I don’t care whether or not you are religious or know how to pray - just trust me on this one. Now is where you need Divine guidance, so ask for it. Meditate on it. Confess your issues, problems, sins, frustrations or whatever you want to call them - to God and ask for guidance. Admitting our weakness and accepting His forgiveness, strength and wisdom is a good thing. It will empower and encourage you to do what needs to be done. And as the saying goes, “if God is for us, then who can be against us.”
2. Write every day. I don’t care if you’re a bad speller or if you hate writing or whatever your lame excuse may be, again, this is your life we’re talking about. If you want to get it right, then start writing. You don’t have to write a book or anything - just jot down some things that you’d like to accomplish over the next few weeks. In fact, break it down if you like. Again, this can be a visualization type of exercise. Make a time line if you want. Write down positive things (things that will get your ship moving in the right direction) that you want to achieve today, this week, in a month, by the end of the year, etc. It’s not an exhaustive list, but you need to start seeing yourself as moving out of your current bad circumstance(s) and into the place where you want to be. Furthermore, you need to figure out exactly what it is that you want. A lot of us never move out of our current misery because we don’t know where we want to actually go. This exercise will help you figure that out.
3. Rinse and Repeat. Practice the above two things and you’ll start to see some interesting and exciting things start to take place in your life. You’re going to be surprised what you’re going to learn about yourself.

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