Rick Osborn | Life Coach, Nutrition Consultant & Graphic Designer

In Post # 4, I briefly touched on the issue of being the “victim”. I’d like to elaborate a bit more on this, because it plays (what I believe) a crucial role in the overall emotional, mental, spiritual and even physical well-being of an individual. As far as I can see it, if victimization is (in any way) a part of who you are, it will fall into one or more of the three categories below -

1. Ignorant victim
2. Passive victim
3. Active victim

Now, before I continue defining these terms, just let me say that to be human is to be fallible. We all screw up, we all make mistakes, we all willfully do the wrong thing at some time or another. That being said, realize that every one of us has most likely been one of the above three kinds of victims at some time or another. But, if you are existing in ANY of the above categories for too long of a period - you’ve got a problem. So, let’s break out each one and see how it may or may not apply to you.

Also, just in case you don’t fully understand what the term “victim” means, let me enlighten you. Generally speaking, a victim is a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency. Now, let’s move onward with the first of the above three terms:

1. Ignorant victim - is someone who unknowingly or unsuspectingly suffers from a destructive or injurious action or behavior. I suppose obvious examples of this could be a woman who is assaulted while walking down the street or a man who is robbed at an ATM. Basically, it can run the gamut from being assaulted to being lied to, being cheated on, etc. Every human being at some time or another has been an ignorant victim. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the nature of life. It happens among animals as well as humans. No matter where you are on your journey in life, you’re going to be susceptible to being victimized by someone or something. There are always those predator type individuals who are waiting to pounce and take advantage of you. And, the more vulnerable you are, the greater your chance of being an “ignorant” victim. Sometimes, no matter how well-informed, no matter how wise, no matter how strong, a person can be unknowingly victimized. It is sad, but it’s true.

A person’s chances of being an ignorant victim greatly increase when there is a lack of solid moral structure or moral compass in his/her life that includes a heightened sense of direction. Imagine yourself on the deck of your ship, no one at the helm and the storm tossing you all over the place. Not only will you NOT get anywhere, but your ship may even be damaged or capsized and your life forfeited. If you don’t have proper information, direction, guidance, structure, boundaries, etc. your risk of being unknowingly victimized are almost certain. (In the future, I’ll discuss where you can find the type of moral structure/compass that you need to avoid this.) Ignorant victimization can be lethal at its worst and is dangerous at its best. It may set you minimally off course or it may destroy your ship (life).

The way to avoid being this type of victim is to be wary of your surroundings at all times and not to be stupid. Again, if you find yourself an “ignorant” victim on a regular basis, then we need to talk - you need serious help. Your problem is most likely not that you’re an unknowing or “ignorant” victim, but that you’re one of the other two types of victims.

As an aside, let me interject here that sometimes life circumstances can blow us off course and cause us to lose track of where we are. Even perfectly trained, talented, articulate, moral captains (people who are in control of their lives) can be blindsided by the occasional storm. And when struggling to find their way back on course, it’s very easy to be unknowingly victimized. I suppose what I’m saying here is that when a person is dealing with trauma or drama in the midst of life, he or she can be especially susceptible to being unknowingly victimized, because of all of the distraction that is already taking place. It’s very hard to outmaneuver someone who’s right on their game, but it’s not so hard to do so on an off day. Or, it’s very easy to catch a bird with a broken wing, but try catching one whose wings are in tact. You have to be pretty cunning to do so, or you have to wound the bird first before catching it. Those of us who are wounded or broken are much more susceptible to being unknowingly victimized. If this rings true in your life, then give yourself a break. There should be no guilt involved with being an ignorant victim. The word “ignorant” simply means “unknowing” in this case - not “stupid.”

Next time, I’ll continue with the second category - the “passive” victim.

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or, is it somebody else’s?

Remember, in order to get your ship moving in the right direction, you have to be in control (standing at the helm, with your hands on the wheel). Many of us are passive observers of our own lives, hanging out in the lounge of our ship, taking no control or responsibility for where our ship (life) is going. That particular situation may seem easy, but in reality it’s NOT where you want to be. You’ll never solve your problems and be the best person you can be if this is your situation.

Let’s take a closer look at this “condition”. And, just for the sake of naming it something, I’ll call it “passive observer syndrome”.

Passive observer syndrome - is a condition where a person fails to take control of their own life, thereby surrendering his/her authority and power to affect change.

It’s not hard to understand what this condition is. Basically, you either have control of your life or you don’t. Either you are captain of your ship or your not. I suppose it’s possible to have some part-time captains in your life, people to whom you entrust control of your ship from time to time. I’ll get into that later. But for now and for clarity sake, I’m going to talk in absolutes - you either have control of your life, or you do not.

Now, the question for you that begs to be asked is - “Do you have control of your own life?” Before you answer, “yes,” as it’s a quick and simple answer, think about it - meditate on it, pray about it. It’s time for some serious self-examination here. Coming to terms with this particular question will be key for solving problems, attaining goals, becoming a healthier and happier person, improving relationships and finding success for your life.

If you discover that someone else has control of your life, chances are it’s not a good thing, even if it’s someone that you love, trust or respect. Ultimately, you need to be making decisions for yourself, unless you’re five years old. If someone is making decisions for you, it either means that you’re not capable of making them yourself, or quite frankly, you’re a dependent person, which can open Pandora’s box of problems. And, if this is you, don’t despair - there is a way out.

As an aside, let me also say that it’s very possible to allow someTHING to have control over your life. You may be saying to yourself, “nobody controls me . . . I make my own decisions . . .” But does someTHING have a grip on you? Again, the question to be answered here is “Who or what is standing at the helm of your ship?” “Who or what is the captain?” If it’s someone/thing other than you and you’re headed somewhere that you’re unsure of or somewhere you don’t want to go, then it’s time for change!

For now, your job is to truly figure out EXACTLY your situation. As Christ said, “if you know the truth, the truth will set you free.”

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