Rick Osborn | Life Coach, Nutrition Consultant & Graphic Designer

Let’s face it, there’s a lot of evil in the world. We encounter it daily - sometimes in the people who are in our lives. Furthermore, we’re all guilty of wrongdoing, probably more often than we even realize. For today though, I’d like to share what I believe to be the best way to deal with someone difficult in our lives. As a matter of simplicity, I’m going to assume that the “difficult” person in your life is acting in a way that is not correct.

Maybe I shouldn’t go so far as to call it evil, but after careful analysis, if you truly feel that this person is continually and wrongfully causing you pain or problems, here are three suggestions for resolution. But before going further, remember, I’m assuming that the difficult person is a loved one, a good friend or a relative - someone that you are in contact with on a regular basis. For that reason, it’s very important to establish the right and proactive way to deal with this person.

3 Steps for Dealing with a Difficult Person

1. Self-inspect. Make sure that YOU are not the reason for the difficulty. Many times we actually end up causing much of our own problems because we don’t realize that the negative behavior of others is due to our own shortcomings.

Take a look at what Christ said about it in Matthew 7:1-5. I’m going to quote the whole Scripture here as I feel that it’s appropriate:

1 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. 3 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

If after doing some careful self-examination, you determine that YOU are NOT causing or contributing to the issue, then you can move on to the next step. Keep in mind here that it’s much easier to control our own actions than it is to control someone else’s. Furthermore, if you move on to the next two steps, I believe that you’ll begin to see a change in the negative situation, particularly after making sure that you don’t have a “log” in your own eye that’s keeping you from seeing the real truth of the matter.

2. Speak the truth in love to the difficult person. To know the Truth is to know healing. Christ said in John 8:32, and I’m taking it a bit out of context, but I believe it still applies here - “…you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Now you may be asking, well, what’s the truth in this situation. Well, you need to share what you believe is being done that’s hurtful. But you must be loving. You cannot overwhelm the “difficult” person with anger and accusation, but rather you must confront them out of a desire for healing and restoration. It could very well be that your “difficult” person is unaware of their bad behavior. Consider for a moment another Scripture. In Matthew 6:22-23, Christ reveals a very healing truth:

“Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. 23 But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!”

In other words, if you or your “difficult” friend or loved one is looking through “tainted” eyes, he’s not going to be seeing clearly. Just as the Scripture above states, his whole life will be “filled with darkness”. Think of him as wearing really dark glasses his whole life. He may be stumbling all over the place - not only over you, but over others as well - and not even know it. Your loving attempt to show him the truth may just help him remove those dark glasses and help him not to be a “difficult” person any further. The darkness of his life may be polluting every relationship that he has. If you know the truth and truly care about the person, the best thing you can do is to shine the light of truth in his life.

Let’s not forget Jesus’ mandate in Matthew 5:16 - “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

3. Don’t take vengeance, but practice goodness.If all else fails, (and you should be doing this anyway) practice what’s written in Romans 12:19-21 -

“19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back,’ says the Lord. 20 Instead, ‘If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.’ 21 Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.

By practicing what the above Scripture states, you’ll be doing God’s will and will help convict them of their wrong doing. Leave retribution up to God. It’s His business, not yours. He knows the whole story. We may think we always know the best way, but He truly sees the big picture.

That’s it. It’s easier said than done, but if you stick to the above three biblical truths for dealing with difficult people, you’ll be well on your way to helping both yourself and the difficult person to heal.

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Before I begin elaborating on how to “map” your way out of the fog of frustration, pain, worry, problems, etc., let’s reiterate where you should be at this point.

First of all, if you’ve been following my advice, you should be standing at the the helm of your ship, holding the wheel in your hands, eyes fixed on the horizon and ready to steer in the right direction. If this image isn’t working for you, let me just state it plainly - because in order to move forward, you need to fully accept the following truths about yourself:

1. Your life is your own.
2. You are responsible for yourself.
3. You have the power to change.

If you can wholeheartedly agree with the above three things, then you can definitely move forward. You now have control of your ship and you’re ready to sail to the promised land. But, if you can’t accept the above three truths, then you need to stop and reevaluate, because you’re not going anywhere. My advice - quit blaming everyone else for your problems and take responsibility for yourself. Being a victim will NOT get you what you want in this life, so let’s move past that. I could write volumes about victimization, but trust me here - always being the victim is not a healthy way to live your life. It may get you some of what you want, but you’ll never be happy playing the victim card. Quite frankly, playing the role of “victim” is surrendering to the life of a loser. So, if you’re doing it, even a little bit, stop it now before it ruins your life or somebody else’s.

My mom is a smart person. For as long as I can remember, she’s had this little saying that has stuck with me. When I was younger, it didn’t mean much, but as I’ve matured, it’s come to mean everything. Would you like to know what her little piece of advice is?

Life is what you make of it.

Did you catch that? Are you listening? That one statement basically sums up everything that I’ve been saying. It may seem like an oversimplification, but it’s overwhelmingly true. All three of those truths I listed above are wrapped up in this one little statement - “life is what you make of it.” And, no matter what your circumstance may be, no matter what storm is swirling in your life, no matter how poor, how unhappy, how sick, how frustrated, how much someone has hurt you - you need to remember, your life will NEVER be anything more or anything less than what YOU make of it.

Okay, meditate on the above. It’s a big chunk to chew on, but it will definitely get your ship moving in the right direction at this point.

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If you’ve been following my train of thought throughout my last couple of posts, you should now have a clear image of yourself standing at the helm of your ship, holding that wheel with both hands, ready to steer yourself in the right direction. You are the captain of your ship.

Now, if we’re completely honest with ourselves and use careful introspection (looking deep within), we will all admit that we know, somehow, the difference between right and wrong. I think in our heart of hearts and in the deep recesses of our minds, there is a small voice, whispering the truth to us. The problem is that many of us, on a fairly regular basis, tend to listen to that ever so small voice only when it’s convenient. And some of us don’t even listen to it at all. Unfortunately, this can lead to trouble - you know when we make up our own rules and don’t have any clear, preplanned design for what we should do or where we should be. If you have mounting problems over which you feel like you have no control - this may be exactly what’s been happening to you. Keep reading!

A lack of vision or focus keeps our ship (life) in the fog (confusion), seizes any control that we have over our ship (life) and keeps us meandering through rough seas with no land (solution) in sight.

In other words, if you have no focus or vision, chances are you’re not going to find a way out of your situation. If this is you and you’re ready to move forward, change course and redirect your ship (life), then what you need now is a map - and not just any old map, but the right one.

Before I go any further, I’m going to suggest a couple of things for you to do that will help you focus and find your way:

1. Meditate in the morning. Spend some time alone, inside or outside, but in a quiet place, and ask God to give you guidance. I don’t care whether or not you are religious or know how to pray - just trust me on this one. Now is where you need Divine guidance, so ask for it. Meditate on it. Confess your issues, problems, sins, frustrations or whatever you want to call them - to God and ask for guidance. Admitting our weakness and accepting His forgiveness, strength and wisdom is a good thing. It will empower and encourage you to do what needs to be done. And as the saying goes, “if God is for us, then who can be against us.”
2. Write every day. I don’t care if you’re a bad speller or if you hate writing or whatever your lame excuse may be, again, this is your life we’re talking about. If you want to get it right, then start writing. You don’t have to write a book or anything - just jot down some things that you’d like to accomplish over the next few weeks. In fact, break it down if you like. Again, this can be a visualization type of exercise. Make a time line if you want. Write down positive things (things that will get your ship moving in the right direction) that you want to achieve today, this week, in a month, by the end of the year, etc. It’s not an exhaustive list, but you need to start seeing yourself as moving out of your current bad circumstance(s) and into the place where you want to be. Furthermore, you need to figure out exactly what it is that you want. A lot of us never move out of our current misery because we don’t know where we want to actually go. This exercise will help you figure that out.
3. Rinse and Repeat. Practice the above two things and you’ll start to see some interesting and exciting things start to take place in your life. You’re going to be surprised what you’re going to learn about yourself.

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