Rick Osborn | Life Coach, Nutrition Consultant & Graphic Designer

In my previous post, entitled “Being a Victim”, I listed what I believe to be the three kinds of victims and went on to explain the first - the “ignorant” victim. In this post, I’ll continue by explaining the second kind of victim:

A Passive Victim - is someone who knowingly or willingly suffers from a destructive or injurious action or behavior. Like the “ignorant” victim, the circumstances surrounding a “passive” victim can also run the gamut. It can be as seemingly harmless as a teenager who allows him/herself to be ridiculed repeatedly by peers in order to feel accepted as part of a group or it can be much more serious, such as a wife who stays in an abusive relationship, despite the fact that her husband repeatedly abuses her. The fact remains, the first time the abuse occurs (on any level), it most likely happens unknowingly (ignorant victim). Depending on the circumstance of being victimized, if a boundary is not immediately created, the abuse will most likely happen again. At this point, the person switches from being an “ignorant” victim to a “passive” victim. The real danger here, no matter how harmless the abuse may seem, is that it can become a learned behavior. Without getting too deep into the psychology of this, let me just say that being a “passive” victim is NOT a healthy place to be. At the very core, the “passive” victim is a sick individual, by the very nature of the word “passive”. To be passive is to not have control, but to allow someone else to do the controlling, whether in a good or bad way. On a personal note, no matter how you look at it, if you are allowing someone else to captain your ship (to control your life), you will never reach your full potential in life. Moreover, you will always live in a state of perpetual frustration. I could write volumes on this particular issue, as there is much on which to elaborate.

For brevity sake, let me just direct my words to you -

If you are a passive victim - you already know it - whether you want to admit it or not. By the very nature of what it means to be “passive”, you are complicit (in agreement) to being victimized, controlled, or manipulated. Choose whatever term you want to use “to be used.” If you want to change, if you want to regain control of your life, there are a couple of important things you need to do:

1. Admit to yourself that you’re allowing it to happen.
2. Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it!

Sometimes, just admitting to yourself that you’re a “willing” victim is extremely difficult. Most of the time, it’s pretty easy to see. The most difficult part is to stop playing that role - to break that cycle, that learned response that’s been going on for so long. Few people can do it alone, but find that they need the support of healthy, objective friends, a counselor, God or a combination of all of these. Again, I could dig very deep into this particular subject, but I won’t. There are many good books that have already been written about the negative ramifications of being a victim. And there are many other familiar psychological terms that are used in the midst: codependent, addiction, etc. I only mention “victim” here, because I believe that to recognize it and to deal with it is of the utmost importance in living a healthy, balanced and productive life. For one to reach his/her full potential as a human being, there is no place for being a “passive” victim.

My hope is that if you’re a passive victim, that it’s easily recognizable and also easy for you to rectify the situation. If it’s not, feel free to contact me and we can talk. If I can’t help you, I can help you find someone who can.

For now, to move forward, search your heart and your life. Analyze your relationships with those who are close to you. If you’re playing the role of “passive” victim, it’s time for a change. I would also add that you should analyze your relationship with yourself. That may sound strange, but it’s also quite possible for us to willingly be a victim of our own bad behavior, but that’s for another discussion.

Remember, as Christ said: “if you know the Truth, the Truth will set you free.” Right now, my question for you is - Do you know the truth about your own life?

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In Post # 4, I briefly touched on the issue of being the “victim”. I’d like to elaborate a bit more on this, because it plays (what I believe) a crucial role in the overall emotional, mental, spiritual and even physical well-being of an individual. As far as I can see it, if victimization is (in any way) a part of who you are, it will fall into one or more of the three categories below -

1. Ignorant victim
2. Passive victim
3. Active victim

Now, before I continue defining these terms, just let me say that to be human is to be fallible. We all screw up, we all make mistakes, we all willfully do the wrong thing at some time or another. That being said, realize that every one of us has most likely been one of the above three kinds of victims at some time or another. But, if you are existing in ANY of the above categories for too long of a period - you’ve got a problem. So, let’s break out each one and see how it may or may not apply to you.

Also, just in case you don’t fully understand what the term “victim” means, let me enlighten you. Generally speaking, a victim is a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action or agency. Now, let’s move onward with the first of the above three terms:

1. Ignorant victim - is someone who unknowingly or unsuspectingly suffers from a destructive or injurious action or behavior. I suppose obvious examples of this could be a woman who is assaulted while walking down the street or a man who is robbed at an ATM. Basically, it can run the gamut from being assaulted to being lied to, being cheated on, etc. Every human being at some time or another has been an ignorant victim. It’s unfortunate, but it’s the nature of life. It happens among animals as well as humans. No matter where you are on your journey in life, you’re going to be susceptible to being victimized by someone or something. There are always those predator type individuals who are waiting to pounce and take advantage of you. And, the more vulnerable you are, the greater your chance of being an “ignorant” victim. Sometimes, no matter how well-informed, no matter how wise, no matter how strong, a person can be unknowingly victimized. It is sad, but it’s true.

A person’s chances of being an ignorant victim greatly increase when there is a lack of solid moral structure or moral compass in his/her life that includes a heightened sense of direction. Imagine yourself on the deck of your ship, no one at the helm and the storm tossing you all over the place. Not only will you NOT get anywhere, but your ship may even be damaged or capsized and your life forfeited. If you don’t have proper information, direction, guidance, structure, boundaries, etc. your risk of being unknowingly victimized are almost certain. (In the future, I’ll discuss where you can find the type of moral structure/compass that you need to avoid this.) Ignorant victimization can be lethal at its worst and is dangerous at its best. It may set you minimally off course or it may destroy your ship (life).

The way to avoid being this type of victim is to be wary of your surroundings at all times and not to be stupid. Again, if you find yourself an “ignorant” victim on a regular basis, then we need to talk - you need serious help. Your problem is most likely not that you’re an unknowing or “ignorant” victim, but that you’re one of the other two types of victims.

As an aside, let me interject here that sometimes life circumstances can blow us off course and cause us to lose track of where we are. Even perfectly trained, talented, articulate, moral captains (people who are in control of their lives) can be blindsided by the occasional storm. And when struggling to find their way back on course, it’s very easy to be unknowingly victimized. I suppose what I’m saying here is that when a person is dealing with trauma or drama in the midst of life, he or she can be especially susceptible to being unknowingly victimized, because of all of the distraction that is already taking place. It’s very hard to outmaneuver someone who’s right on their game, but it’s not so hard to do so on an off day. Or, it’s very easy to catch a bird with a broken wing, but try catching one whose wings are in tact. You have to be pretty cunning to do so, or you have to wound the bird first before catching it. Those of us who are wounded or broken are much more susceptible to being unknowingly victimized. If this rings true in your life, then give yourself a break. There should be no guilt involved with being an ignorant victim. The word “ignorant” simply means “unknowing” in this case - not “stupid.”

Next time, I’ll continue with the second category - the “passive” victim.

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